Hugh Dornbush

Brooklyn, NY

Come join us New Year's Eve in Philadelphia.

http://www.myspace.com/salivaslingers

Download 'Saliva Slingers - Clever Cats (WFNX Radio)'
Download 'Saliva Slingers - Come Along'
Download 'Saliva Slingers - Lace MFs'

Weston, MA

Allright, so I clearly lied about not being on hiatus. I don’t know what else one could call it. But a lot has been going on.

A few weeks ago I flew from Boston to Seattle with the intention of retrieving my car and bringing it back to the east coast. After the wear my car had endured arriving there in the first place, she needed badly to be serviced. Fortunately, this event coincided with my car’s 45,000 mile service – an incredibly detailed and thorough procedure consisting of over five hours of component checking and system testing. Somehow however, University Volkswagen failed to notice that both my headlights, (and one taillight), had recently burned out, leaving me to make the seven hour mountain drive to Boise using only my foglamps and high beams.

My drive to Miami consisted of much driving through non-urban areas. Some of the more aware and insightful political analysis and military stratagems available could be discovered along this route. Once, when checking out at an EconoLogde, I overheard two employees discussing our recent activity in Fallujah. One’s recommendation to resolve our Iraqi conflict was to “Drop the bomb on ‘em, just like in HARO-SHA-MEEMA.”

I made it from Seattle to Miami in seven days, including two nights spent in New Orleans. This ample amount of drive time, coupled with the fact that the sun now sets at approximately 1:45pm, produced about four photographs during this leg, including this one of a friendly pup at Four Corners.

I was in Miami for a Mobile Music Conference and left a week ago to make it up to Massachusetts in time for Thanksgiving, and in the past two weeks have driven over 5,400 miles. A lot. So I’m going to leave my car here, and take the bus down to New York on Monday, where I must pursue a couple job leads and find an apartment.

I guess this means that my road trip has finished. I’m not sure what this means for my website. I’ll probably continue it once I’m resettled, so don’t erase your bookmarks just yet. I have seen a lot of this country now, and as this map indicates, America is truly a red place. (In reality, the red states in this map represent those that I have visited. If anyone wants to take a trip to the ArKanMo region, I’ll need to check that off too at some point.)

New York, NY

So no, I haven’t been on hiatus, but there just hasn't been much worth documenting lately.

But then there was last night’s Merge Records showcase at the Mercury Lounge, for which I made a slight miscalculation when planning for the evening and had my buddies show up so early that the doorman had not yet arrived. The waiting game, or as we played it, the beer drinking game, was well worth it for all the acts, but most notably for The Arcade Fire, who simply destroyed it. Their album Funeral is probably my favorite so far this year, and what more can a supporter do than further the proliferation of their material around the Internet. So here’s another song.
Download 'The Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)'

Weston, MA

One of my favorite things about coming home is that I get to reconnect with my CDs (to the right) from middle school and high school that don’t have what it takes these days to stay in the game. This one might make it out though. And probably the Bobby Brown.
Download ‘Lush – Ladykillers’

Also, there’s no way this is good news. Harry Potter stinks.

Tampa, FL

Mrs. Dooling, my eighth grade history teacher and native of Alabama or Mississippi or other southern state, once corrected my assertion that Florida should be considered southern, claiming that while I was geographically correct, the Sunshine State does not conform with southern cultural norms. Mrs. Dooling was obviously well-suited for her profession as her comparison must have referenced the age of Ponce de Leon and Walter Raleigh. Any social studies teacher will tell you the present-day Gulf Coast is pretty redneck, despite the existence of very classy beachfront mansions trimmed with reproduction gladiator statues and large metallic coral urns.

And the mailbox.

Englewood, FL

Here’s an advanced lesson in passive aggression. When the individual sitting directly behind you on a cross-country redeye flight insists on rhythmically drumming an inconsiderate beat on his tray table that is undeniably a component of your chair and not his to freely pound, abruptly and seemingly unwittingly recline your seatback to jam his percussive digits and rob the offender of both inches of legroom.

I slept soundly for the remainder of the flight and woke upon landing to feel further justification after hearing his red-state drawl.

Portland, OR

Camping is intense. This is especially true when you choose a campsite adjacent to two genial and nomadic Vietnam veterans. I arrived almost seven hours late to their open bar, but they offered to make me dinner, which turned out to by one of the worst meals I’ve ever had. We drank Tecate for much of the evening as I watched them discard any al dente recommendations, absent-mindedly boiling pasta for 45 minutes.

Annie, Bob and Frank

Bob's camping chair. Yes, for exactly that purpose.

San Francisco, CA

Last night I was one of just five audience members to watch a performance by North Dakotan singer/songwriter June Panic. It’s not entirely surprising since I’ve never heard anyone else say they actually like him – not even my friend Jeremy, who when not steadfastly defending our freedoms, moonlights as my echo. But I had the same experience in Brooklyn the last time I saw Scout Niblett, so maybe Secretly Canadian needs to exercise greater marketing muscle. Speaking of great, exercised muscles, here’s a photo of the previously-mentioned Jeremy and I. And speaking of previously-mentioned, it stinks that June Panic is part of this whole moustache nonsense.
Download 'June Panic - Peter Panic (For J.M. Barrie)'

Nobody calls it 'Frisco, CA

The Go! Team’s EP Junior Kickstart was one of my favorite things to randomly stumble across in 2003 -a really poppy collection of songs relying heavily on samples from the early 1980s. They are due to release their full-length Thunder, Lightning, Strike sometime soon. I think it might already be out in Europe, but I certainly can’t find it at Amoeba. It’s going to be great though. Please do me a favor and download these two songs. I know you aren’t busy.
Download 'The Go! Team - Junior Kickstart'
Download 'The Go! Team - Huddle Formation'

San Francisco, CA

Yesterday I underwent a significant frattitude adjustment, successfully transitioning from an afternoon rock show to an evening of bar-hopping on a chartered trolley with 45 twenty-somethings, (of whom I knew three, and only for nine days now.) To illustrate the incongruence of these two happenings, one event featured Jell-O shots while the other featured a musician dressed as a fruit tree.

I was there to see Deerhoof, a local band fronted by Satomi Matsuzaki, a woman with a presence far greater than her 4’9” (estimated) frame. I have two of their albums, have witnessed two performances, and am still ambivalent about their sound. But this song is great.
Download ‘Deerhoof – Milk Man’

At the venue, I stood near two guys conversing outwardly about a possible autumnal trip to Prague and Budapest, taking care to correctly pronounce the Hungarian capital pescht.

I connected with the trolley party already underway. Rather than providing exhaustive detail about the night’s events, I’m going to let this video sum everything up.
Download Trolley Video

Also, I believe we are only a couple celebrity adopters away from seeing a full-blown moustache renaissance. You think it’s stupid? Of course it is. Trucker hats were ridiculous. It’s an unflattering indicator of our current state of affairs, but what can you do? George Bush might win New Jersey.

San Francisco's Doomed

French electronic shoegaze duo M83 played here last night, (with a backing bassist and drummer). They’re only playing seven shows in the US, and fortunately this happens to be one of the seven most awesome US cities, along with (at least in my estimation) Seattle, Austin, Chicago, New York, the Illadelph, and, well, what, Boston? Maybe there are only six.

The tour is in support of the US release of their excellent CD Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts, for which last year I paid a small fortune to import. But you can hear the whole album at their website.

Ironically, the pair had the Gaul to end the show sans encore. Hahaha. Sorry.

I obtained a copy of The Delgados forthcoming release Universal Audio. I love The Delgados.
Download 'The Delgados - Is This All That I Came For?'

SF, CA

While television rarely needs help to be awful, it often receives assistance from the most base form of artistic creation of which I’m aware: local advertisements. These are ads for legal aid, furniture retailers or auto glass replacement services shown within a specific metropolitan area. This one, for Easterns Automotive Group, is perhaps the best example I’ve seen, and has slightly diminished my esteem for two of my favorite things: professional sports and rap music. And yet I can’t stop watching…
Play Advertisement

Still in San Francisco, CA

One of the worst ways to spend a day is replacing your moribund hard drive, trying to salvage as many files as possible. This day was yesterday. It improved at night when I went to see Tussle, a local band consisting of two drummers, a bassist and a guy with keyboards and electronics. I really liked their EP earlier this year and last night was intended to be their CD release party, but their label messed up some aspect of the artwork or design, and now it’s slated to drop in November. That’s a gaffe. Kids are pretty hip out here. I saw four rattails.
Download 'Tussle - Eye Contact'

I am so excited to see how rappers handle this announcement.

Speaking of which, I didn't win the Thief’s Theme contest. Nas decided to go with another candidate. I feel very much overlooked.

Evan, a college friend and suntan enthusiast, recently began what will be a remarkable trip. If you know him, you might want to follow his progress.

Shaky Town, CA

Last year, 4 of my 10 favorite CDs were made by Canadian musicians. Today, Montreal's The Arcade Fire release their album Funeral and it's amazing. I started to read about these guys a couple weeks ago and repeatedly noticed them compared to a certain Toronto-based collective. I don't really agree with the comparison. Download this. You'll like it, and if you have any comments about 'whining,' just keep them.
Download 'The Arcade Fire - Wake Up'

San Francisco, CA

How’s this for annoying? One of the guys I’m staying with has for months been receiving a daily barrage of phone calls from a crazy woman speaking Cantonese (confirmed by a Mandarin speaker). The other night, over a three-hour period, she called 140 times. And then the next afternoon it started again.

San Francisco, CA

I've moved into San Francisco for a bit, staying in the Marina neighborhood. Just a few blocks away exists an intersection where three of the four corners are occupied by exceedingly fratty bars. This triumvirate is locally known as ‘The Herpes Triangle.’ Nice.

Did you know that 2004 nickels have engravings besides the Jefferson Memorial on the reverse? I didn’t until yesterday, and the year’s almost over. While I was initially excited by this discovery, I was later disappointed to learn that I was the type of person who could be excited by nickel updates.

Where besides California could one expect to find this sign, specifically restriction 2?

Palo Alto, CA

There are certain truths about this part of the world that are repeated far too often, like "In-N-Out is better than McDonalds." One that cannot be stressed enough however, is how superior Amoeba Music is to any other record store. This was my third visit to one of their locations, and I left 7 CDs richer and just $65 poorer. While there, I picked up my tenth copy of You Forgot It In People, a gift for a friend with whom I’ll be staying later this week, and part of my ongoing research of the theory that there doesn’t exist a person who won’t like this record. This individual is a San Francisco investment banker who works so much he keeps a sleeping bag in his office and occasionally will build small sleeping forts from cardboard boxes found around the office.

I saw The Cure on TV the other night. Here’s a tip: if you’re in one of those celebrity death pools, definitely draft Robert Smith. He’s only an autopsy away from putting you in first place.

San Francisco, CA

I’ve spent the last few days in the Bay Area - my birthplace and the only destination thus far where I have previously passed significant time. So that’s nice, but I've seen all the local attractions (Alcatraz, cable cars, panhandling) before. I’ve instead taken full advantage of the city’s blanket of free wireless Internet access in support of a pending Friendster renaissance. I signed onto the service to discover a lineup of new features, including a listing of the most popular searches from users within my network of friends. It turns out that the number two result on this list is ‘indie hairstyles.’ Grow up guys.

Went to the Giants/Rockies game the other night, and saw Barry Bonds walked thrice. I’ve already been to more baseball games (4) since starting this trip than I had in the preceding few years, and I’ll likely go to the entire Red Sox/A’s series next week. I’m typically more into pro football or the Boston Celtics than I am baseball, but my recent actions stay consistent with my more comprehensive platform: sports are awesome.

Portland, OR

Have you ever gone to a job interview after waking up in a tent? Now I have.

Tacoma, WA

Drove to Tacoma this morning to hear John Kerry speak. My directions to the city were: ‘Go south on I-5 until it smells.’ Some observations:

1-As parties go, the Democratic Party is the least attractive I’ve seen, with the certain exception of that one last year thrown by students in Columbia’s Neuroscience Ph.D. program.

2-Why is Garrison Keillor on the road as Kerry’s hypeman? This guy normally addresses the seated elderly in town halls, and now he’s supposed to get people roused? Where is Bruce Springsteen or Andre 3000 or anyone else with a modicum of charisma who at the very least won’t sedate attendees?

3-Why, when waiting in any substantial line, will I invariably find myself next to the sort of jerk who would don footwear with springs?

Seattle, WA

People don’t jaywalk in Seattle. No car approaching in either direction, facing a light that says ’Don’t Walk,’ and they don’t. Now that’s laid back.

I went to the Mariners/Royals game last night, which was noteworthy for multiple reasons: 1) Ichiro Suzuki became the first player in history to collect 200 hits in each of his first four seasons, 2) I was able to witness Safeco Field’s retractable roof, um, tract, when it started raining, and 3) The Mariners presented ‘Native American Night’ sponsored by Tulalip Casino.

I saw Control Room yesterday. It’s good. I think most people would benefit from seeing it. I don’t see very many movies, and now I’m giving my opinions two days in a row. I figure it's only fair to provide a baseline for my assessments, so the following are the films I have seen most often, and therefore should be most instrumental in the development of my cinematic tastes.

Bellevue, WA

Yesterday, I was to have lunch with my host here Andrew, so I picked him up from his job at Microsoft in Redmond, WA. Redmond, and its neighbor Bellevue, appear to be little more than an expanse of office parks, but hidden away in a former auto shop is Dixie’s BBQ, home of ‘The Man.’ The Man is a hot sauce made on the premises, and probably the spiciest substance I’ve ever tasted. The cook brings his concoction table to table in a small saucepan and most people are defeated after sampling a drop on the end of a toothpick. I had about a teaspoon’s worth over my ribs, and it was enough to make me tear.

Seattle’s Experience Music Project is OK, sort of a Children’s Museum version of the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame. Much more tactile, and far fewer artifacts or things to read. They position themselves as a place where people can come to get a hands-on experience about different components of music creation: songwriting, production, sampling, instrumentation, etc. It’s all done through topic-specific interactive modules that might even be a little bit too dumbed-down. It’s like the museum version of those cars kids get to drive at amusement parks, where a metal rail in the road keeps them from going off-track.

Over the past two nights, I’ve watched both parts of Kill Bill, which I hadn’t done until this point because I’d heard such bad things about the first. But they’re both great, and I think I prefer the first to the second. I don’t know what people are talking about. People.

Seattle, WA

I’ve been in Seattle since last Friday and to maintain consistency with the cliché, it’s rained every day. Anomalously though, I haven’t encountered a single piece of flannel. I have seen a lot still - I’ve already been to a horse track, Columbia City neighborhood parade, tattoo convention, expeditiously-organized Mogwai show, hip hop party deceitfully advertising appearances by Sen Dog and Mellow Man Ace, and tonight, an event at what must be Seattle’s most aptly-named function hall ‘The Center for Wooden Boats.’ It was thrown by a non-profit organization that brings together heavy hitters in the area’s technology, education and financial fields, and there were several CEOs and Deans and individuals of that ilk in attendance.

Vancouver’s really nice. I think I spent the maximum amount of time one can spend in a place and still have absolutely no idea where they are at any point, but it was fun wandering. The city has at long last dignified casual dining, evidenced by its Macaroni Grill franchise, housed in a former mansion and boasting manicured hedges and rococo garden seating. Applebee’s must be amazing.

Vancouver, BC

Sometimes when things don’t go according to plan, you can find a way around. Other times though, you find yourself in north-central Washington, 40 miles away from North Cascades National Park, and unable to get there due to Highway 20 being closed from mudslides. So, I took the northern route and wound up in Vancouver. It’s cool here though - I was able to connect with fellow Canadians Emily Haines and Vince Carter. We ate poutine by the harbour before going to the city centre.

Also, it’s come to my attention that the University of Pennsylvania is now in sole possession of fourth place in US News and World Report’s rankings of the nation’s top universities. Please no one mention to this publication that I am seriously considering launching thebeermonster.com due to an overwhelmingly positive response.

Whitefish, MT

Glacier National Park is really beautiful. I've spent the past two days here and figured out bear bells – they’re for rank amateurs. I talked with a girl the other night and told her I was planning on taking the day hike to Grinnell Glacier the following day. She responded, “Oh, I love that hike. Last time I went I saw two grizzlies.” Needing to play it cool, but also needing to uncover the status of this potentially life-saving device within the realm of experienced hikers, I casually mention that my uncle had sent me this bell, and it all seems a little inadequate to me, but….” She laughs at the idea that people seriously use these bells, and while I initially join in on the dismissal, I consider telling her that my uncle is truly a robust individual who can grow a full beard and was she absolutely sure? Instead, I ask what I should do to prepare for the very real possibility of a bear encounter. She suggests that I buy a can of bear mace for upwards of $40, and that even if I don’t see a bear the next day, it’s a good thing to just have. For the past 25 years, bear mace has been no better a thing for me to just have than tornado insurance or regular Pap smears, so I ask for a more economical solution. She says that bears will avoid the sound of human voices, so if I’m hiking alone, I should just sing. So now from experience, it’s no more embarrassing to greet a pack of hikers with the jingle jangle of your little bell than it is to strap on your iPod and catch up to a family ahead of you while delivering word for word LL Cool J’s ‘Around the Way Girl.’ But I did make it through the thickly wooded areas without incident.

A couple hours into my hike, I pass a guy and his bell sporting 12 year-old son. From my new self-appointed position of knowledgeable hiking enthusiast with license to tease the uninitiated, I ask if the bell’s been keeping them away. He quickly and nervously asks if I’ve seen any, and I reply that I haven’t but I passed some people who had, (which was at least true), so watch out and make sure they can hear the bell.

Polson, MT

Arriving in Montana, I couldn’t remember which was supposed to be its ‘cool’ city, freeing me from any biases I might have held. After two days here, I’ve assessed the state’s two college towns:

Bozeman
Montana State University
Independent restaurants, coffee shops and record stores
Free wireless Internet access and several fitness clubs
Pretty Montanan girls

Missoula
University of Montana
Chain restaurants, stores and strip malls
Pawn shops, check cashing agencies
ATMs that dispense $100 in $5 bills

Since leaving Minneapolis, I have camped every night but one and have never had a problem. I’d roll into town, find a state park, pay a nominal fee and be set up. In Missoula, the closest thing to this was a park 40 miles away, where possession of a valid Montana State Fishing License was required for a night’s stay, and if you plan on going out at night, be forewarned that tire-puncturing spikes are installed nightly at 10pm. Then I found the more centrally located Travelers’ Rest State Park that ironically offers absolutely no sort of camping or overnight accommodations. So, the only camping option near city limits was KOA.

KOA, or Kampgrounds of America, is to my knowledge America’s only national campground chain, and an inevitability I had been carefully avoiding. Whereas campgrounds in national and state parks reside in niches carved from landscapes beautiful enough to warrant their preservation, KOA campgrounds neighbor highways and consist of nothing more than several acres of flat commercial land ringed by high hedges to block from view adjacent strip malls. Within its property, KOA carefully crams as many campsites as will fit, so no visitor has the unfair advantage of actually believing they are in the great outdoors.

For this, you should expect to pay at least double what you might in a park. My site, tract T unit 23, cost $23. When given the bill, I felt like telling her that I paid ten at Yellowstone, and I don’t see no geothermal activity here, but I could be mistaken if you would please point me towards your world-class array of hotsprings, and yes, I did notice you have a petting zoo. Instead, I paid up, found my campsite, and cleared it of Coors bottles left by earlier guests.

To its credit, KOA did have more loud rap music emanating from various campsites than I had encountered in any national park

The sign directing me to the campground. Old Navy and Petsmart in the background.

A typical view from within KOA. Notice how they managed to find land without a mountain in sight in the middle of the Rockies.


Oh wait, here are the mountains, two blocks away.

Bozeman, MT

I arrived in Montana this afternoon after spending the past few days in Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks in western Wyoming.

Thursday, I went on a 15-mile hike in Teton. I got several miles into it, and the further I went up the mountain, the more frequently I saw signs warning hikers about not feeding bears, bear attacks, and general bear avoidance. As a hiker, my policy is to always avoid bears, and so I affixed to my backpack the bell my uncle sent me that is supposed to alert your presence to bears so not to startle them. My uncle is an archetype of alpine ruggedness, and if he thinks enough of these bells to mail one internationally, I might as well take advantage of it. The next hiker I passed commented on it, and asked me if I had read the paper, referring to the article in that morning’s paper about a 24 year-old solo hiker who had been killed by a bear two days earlier. I had not. From that point on, I sensed that about half the people I passed were snickering at my cowardly little bearbell. As athletes go, I’ve never really considered trail hikers macho enough to hold their own when pitted against black bears. Maybe they are.

The next two days I spent in Yellowstone, which is huge. It’s got the most geothermal activity (hot springs, geysers and what have you) anywhere in the world, the world's largest herd of bison, mountains, rivers, canyons, wildlife, etc. It’s also mobbed with tourists, which is probably to be expected, especially at this time of year. But as a result, the park retains a lot of elements you’d like to leave behind when you go into nature. There were times when I felt like I was jockeying for position to get a drink at a bar when actually trying to box out some family to have a better view of an elk. Also, I found myself circling for parking for about 5 minutes at Old Faithful and got flipped off and honked at when I made an illegal U-turn. There’s also a lot of traffic, sometimes caused by cars, and sometimes by errant bison.

Jackson, WY

Last night, I was nearly assaulted without provocation by two recent arrivals from Sturgis who referred to their home state of Minnesota as ‘God’s country’ with total sincerity. They struck up conversation, impressed by how much I resemble Kevin Bacon (???), and we were on the road to becoming fast friends when I told them I had just been in Sturgis myself. I conveniently omitted the part about being there in a car, and gambled that if they started to talk about motorcycles, I could nonchalantly bring up professional wrestling, a topic about which I am far more knowledgeable and maintain my cred. I told them I had come from Massachusetts, and said yes when asked if I plan to vote for ‘that motherfucker John Kerry.’ I was then told by the more drunken of the two that we were no longer friends, and while I initially assumed he was joking, I quickly sensed this was not the case. His buddy, ever in the spirit of reconciliation, suggested that I might want to spring for the next round of drinks. I declined, and the hostility grew. Astonishingly, I was able to end out tiff by informing them how big a John Kerry supporter Kevin Bacon is. It was one of those things I wished I hadn’t said as soon as I heard it, but it worked out. Does anyone know Kevin Bacon’s political leanings? Does everyone in the country/world hate Massachusetts?

Jackson is a very nice town, but as with all ski towns, it’s entirely too earthy. Things like hemp clothing, glass blowing and jam bands are afforded way more legitimacy here than elsewhere. I checked the show listings to go see one of these bands in their element, but when I got to the bar, I was disappointed to learn that ‘Bony Jello’ was not a jam band, as anyone would assume, but instead a middle-aged cover band.

Sturgis, SD

I happened to be in western South Dakota at the right time of year. For one week in August, Sturgis, SD (pop. 6,800) is host to the Black Hills Rally, the biggest motorcycle rally in the world. During this week, one million people and over 700,000 bikes will pass through town.

I’ve always been especially into motorcycles for someone who has spent the bulk of his post-driving age years in major cities where motorcycles are not commonplace, and who has also never actually been on one. A vacation in Greece was the closest I’ve come to embracing the biker lifestyle, when I rented a Piaggio Vespa-type scooter and 20 minutes later was picking bits of gravel from my bleeding arms. Aside from that one unfortunate incident I quite enjoyed myself, and given the right set of circumstances, I could really elevate my game to become a serious motorcycle enthusiast.

Doomed to be pegged as a no-bike-having, European car-driving sissy, I felt I should try to assimilate as much as possible. So, the first things to go were sleeves.

As I began my hunt for temporary barbed wire tattoos, I quickly realized that it would take much more than a handsome pair of pipes with a farmer’s tan to fit in, if this guy fit in.

The event was incredible. I want a motorcycle, or at least a motorcycle ride, more than ever. Check the photo album for highlights. Also, there's a second album of South Dakota park photos up too.

Interior, SD

There isn’t much in Interior, South Dakota, pop. 67. When I asked for directions to the supermarket, the park ranger simply laughed at me. I quickly corrected myself, asking this time for the ‘market,’ and he pointed me down the road, offering the caution “I hope you don’t like fresh fruits and vegetables.” Of course not. Who does like fresh fruits and vegetables?

It does posses, however, Badlands National Park and one of the most amazing collections of natural scenery I have seen in one place. I arrived about 25 minutes before sunset, walked into the park a bit, and it was just unreal.

It was 80 degrees and completely arid, but in the distance I could see lightning storms in four separate directions. Just awesome.

Heading back the camp to set up my tent, I was rushed by two ten year old kids named Alonzo and Aneesha, who demanded to know my name and informed me I looked like a Nick or an Alvin, but definitely not a Hugh. They were visiting from Madison, WI, and Aneesha hit me when I told her I started my trip in Massachusetts, because it’s really far away. I was later hit because I went to Chicago last week and didn’t see their grandmother. Then we went chasing after a herd of bison that someone spotted, and while we didn’t get close enough to tell for sure, I think they were actually cattle, even with my cataracts.

Omaha, NE

After I checked into a municipal campground in northern Omaha yesterday afternoon, I was on the phone with a friend. She asked about the other campers, and if I had met anyone. I replied that there were some kids about my age setting up shop nearby, but I had noticed one was wearing excessively baggy black pants with chains attached, and their party appeared to be a little more into the D&D lifestyle than I might care for.

So I didn’t make friends, and instead went into downtown Omaha for dinner. When I returned around midnight, I found that a horseshoe of tents had been setup around mine, each with a small flame burning in front. In the middle of all of it was a collection of people in robes, and two cloaked individuals swordfighting with what appeared to be water noodles.

I tried to ignore all this, and walked through the middle of the crowd to find the bathroom. On my way, I overheard someone emphatically state, “when he goes to the store, make sure he gets the 4 foot PVC with tundrafoam, and we’ll fill it with rock salt and duct tape it shut!”

In the bathroom, I met a cloaked individual who explained this whole scenario. They were a chapter of a society called Amtgard, which is a sort of medieval and fantasy gaming and reenactment group, and in fact, I was the only camper present who was not involved in some way with their camping retreat. I was however, offered an invitation to participate if I felt the urge. The name ‘Amtgard’ refers to a mythical place inhabited by beings that are not mere humans, but not quite gods.

My new friend was especially excited because they had spent the evening running drills to pick officers for the upcoming year. He had just returned from a successful ‘scouting’ mission, where two people will disappear into the woods to converse by candlelight, and scouts must stealthily find and eavesdrop on the conversation without their presence being discovered. He was one of two successful scouts on this mission, out of 11 initially dispatched. This result should surely net him a high profile position, say, Head Elf.

I did some scouting of myself this morning, to photograph this group without being spotted, lest ye be flogged mercilessly by dorkbats.

From behind the trunk of my car

Through my windshield

Albert Lea, MN

The Freeborn County Fair in Albert Lea, MN is heralded on its website as ‘Minnesota’s Greatest County Fair,’ and after spending seven hours there, I see no evidence to the contrary. It simply has it all: rides, animals, farm equipment, food, and yesterday, Lee Greenwood. I had no idea who this guy was, but as I was checking into my campsite, and told the aged lady assisting me that I was going to the fair, she asked me “Where else can you see Lee Greenwood for $6?” I replied honestly “I don’t know.” But it became very clear he was a big deal in Southern Minnesota as the grandstands rapidly filled with anxious fans decked in garments adorned with Old Glory. And I finally got it when he ended his 7pm set with his biggest hit ‘God Bless the USA,’ - the song that goes something like “I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free da da da da da and I’d gladly stand UP!  da da da da da cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land. God bless the U.S.A.” Although this song is overwhelmingly hokey, it was powerful watching 3,000 farmers singing along completely earnestly. So powerful that I opted to stay and watch his 9pm set, which also concluded with this hit. Mr. Greenwood fostered such a high sense of unity and patriotism in his audience that as we were filtering out, only two total strangers told me “John Kerry sucks,” in response to my button.

Photos in the gallery.

Minneapolis, MN

Minnesota’s Twin Cities fill a unique role as the clear global leaders in teen girls. Immediately after parking in downtown Minneapolis this afternoon, my friend Andy and I found ourselves a block away from the Quest Club, (formerly the Prince-affiliated nightclub Glam Slam). Circling the block was a line of hundreds or teenage girls waiting for entry to a Hanson concert slated for 5pm. It really was unlike any queue I had ever seen. Be sure to check the photos in the Minneapolis photo gallery to the left. Then we left the downtown area for the Mall of America, which of course, is the biggest in the US. If any teen girls in the Twin Cities happened not to be Hanson supporters, they could be found here.

After getting our fill of rides at Camp Snoopy, we left the mall and finished off the day by going to feed and brush Andy’s fiancée’s horse, visiting a bank robbed by Jesse James, eating a $6 steak, and trying (successfully!!!) to find Prince’s house.

A pretty quotidian Minnesotan day.

Chicago, IL

Ohio is so over. Chicago was ridiculous. Had a great time at the Cubs/Phillies. Sonic Youth was sold out day of show, but my former roommate Bob and I went to a street festival in Wicker Park where we saw The Ms (local and while supposedly good, really pretty boring), Wheat (from Boston and a band I used to like a lot, esp. 'Medeiros,', but their new sound is really corny) and The Posies (from Seattle and middle-aged at this point, but they killed it).

Over the weekend I was introduced by a group of seemingly-professional frat guys to a practice known locally as 'The Beer Monster,' in which the participant will pull the bottom of his shirt over his face, and drink a beer through it. The following photos were taken in public, at a bar.

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

And in addition, I saw R. Kelly's house where the video was made. Note the garishly tasteful series of stone lion heads greeting any potential visitors.

Chicago, IL

Yesterday I took one of those double-decker bus tours around Chicago to get my bearings. My tour guide, ‘Calypso Sue’, tried much against the will of her group, to turn the bus into a ‘party on wheels.’ Even employed the hands in the air/just don’t care trick. But nothing. Aside from the festival marketplace area of navy pier, and the theme restaurant neighborhood, everything I saw was very cool. Hoping to see Sonic Youth tonight and the Cubs/Phillies game tomorrow afternoon.

A bear walks into a bar and says ‘I’ll have a gin……………………and tonic.’
The bartender asks ‘What’s with the pause?’
The bear replies ‘I don’t know. I’ve had them my whole life.’

Possibly this joke comes across better told than written.

Frankenmuth, MI

If you happen to stay with a well-intentioned, George Bush-loving family in Ohio, and they suggest that while in Michigan you visit a town founded by their great grandfather, you might have a rewarding experience learning a small town's history.

Or, as in my case, you may be sent to Frankenmuth, MI, Michigan's 'Little Bavaria' and single biggest tourist destination, drawing more than 3 million visitors annually. And you may even be able to take in one of the area-renowned chicken dinners at the Bavarian Inn, one of the 10 largest restaurants in the US by volume.

Lansing, MI

This past Saturday was my cousin Kristy's wedding. It was really nice to see my extended family again (it had been about 8 years since we last got together), and the guy she married seems to be very nice. Plus, the entire weekend was a riot. I can't elaborate too much without giving a ton of background info, or sounding too mean, but let me share my favorite moment of the wedding, indicative of several others.

At dinner, Brandon (groom) talking to Kristy (Bride)

Brandon: What are you getting honey?
Kristy: The Mediterranean Penne with Seafood
Brandon: Ah, you're ordering all ethnic on me.

It was a nice wedding.

Sunday I went to Michigan State University, also in Lansing, and stumbled upon the W.J. Beal Botanical Garden. Established in 1873, this is the oldest continuously operated botanical garden of its kind in the US. I'm not sure what 'of its kind' means, but probably of the beautiful kind, since this place was.

Cleveland, OH

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is awesome. Before I left, a girl who grew up in Cleveland told me not to get my hopes up, but as she takes modern dance very seriously, her opinion potentially should be disregarded

It's great. Tons of artifacts, music playing everywhere, and a lot more in-depth information than I was expecting. There's an hour long show that introduces you to all the inductees (since 1986), that makes you remember how much you love music. I even started to feel some good will towards some of the cheeseball Hall of Famers, like Queen, Billy Joel or Sting. At least temporarily. Unfortunately, they don't allow any photography within the museum, which to me does not seem very punk at all.

Then on my drive to Michigan, I decided to concretely rank my favorite Bruce Springsteen albums.

1) The Wild, the Innocent and the E-Street Shuffle
2) Darkness on the Edge of Town
3) Greetings from Asbury Park, NJ
4) Nebraska
5) Born to Run
6) The River
7) The Rising
8) Born in the USA
9) Tunnel of Love

and my favorite songs: 'For You', 'Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)', 'Badlands', 'Atlantic City'

So in my two days in the Cleveland area, I'd have to say that Ohio is the greatest state in the country. But I have a feeling that one more day would have ruined this impression.

Zombie Pool Party

The debut single from NY rapper Peter Easy. In his full-length, he will deal with the issue of underemployment among today's youth and problems with current US immigration laws, but this banger stays real to zombies. This track feat. Old Supreme, who kills it once again. Check it out.

Download Peter_Easy-Zombie_Pool_Party_F_Old_Supreme_as_the_zombie.mp3
  

Shaker Heights, OH

My experience at Buffalo's Anchor Bar proved to be OK. It was cool to be able to eat at the place where wings were invented, and they were actually pretty good, but perhaps my expectations were unreasonably high. If anyone is considering driving to Buffalo to try some wings, I wouldn't. Especially with Atomic Wings all over Manhattan. This place is very good.

Niagara Falls - Hot, swarming with fat tourists, worth going to though. Pretty impressive, but doesn't compare to this. Totally free. Which was awesome.

I've been on this trip for nearly a week now, and have been feeling a little deprived of culture. Fortunately for me, I arrived in the Cleveland area on Wednesday, and one of the world's great museums is only an hour's drive. So yesterday morning, I drove to Canton, OH to visit the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Which is good. Maybe a little disappointing, but it's all about pro football, which makes it better than every other museum combined. As an improvement I'd like to suggest the construction of a new wing housing a collection of pinstriped suits and fur coats owned by professional football players, perhaps the 'Deion Sanders Wing.'

Tealeaf's Theme

From AllHipHop.com

Nas is giving one lucky rapper in the United Kingdom the chance to be featured on his upcoming double CD, Streets Disciple.

The Queensbridge rapper launched his career on another group's song when he debuted on "Live at the Barbeque," a selection from Main Source's classic 1991 album, Breaking Atoms and he is now recipricating with the unique contest.

Hopefuls can download the instrumental version of his single "Thief's Theme" and send their recorded verses to Sony. The winner will be selected by Nas himself and brought to London courtesy of Sony Music to record their verse in a recording studio.

"Thief's Theme" has already hit the airwaves. The double album is slated for an October 11th release date in the UK. The deadline for the contest is July 31 and the winner will be announced August 31.

Unfortunately, this opportunity seems to be limited to UK-based rappers only. With the relative popularity of Mike Skinner and Dizzee Rascal, it seems that Nas is out after one of his own. So I had to hit em straight brit.

Download Human-Tealeafs_Theme.mp3Supreme_as_the_zombie.mp3

And to find out more about the Street's Disciple contest, here.

Conesus, NY

My first stop on this trip was in Conesus, NY in the Finger Lakes region, where I have been staying since Saturday with my friend Emily from college and her boyfriend Joe. I had intended to get here earlier in the day Saturday, so we could attend an area biker rally, but a late Friday night in the lab with Supreme and a rising superstar prevented that. (More on this to come.)

Sunday, I got a tour of the area, with our final destination being the Killbuck Inn, reported by Joe to have the best buffalo wings in the area, (which in western New York is no minor statement). The Killbuck Inn was a fitting destination for 2 reasons: 1-Buffalo wings have long been my favorite food, and 2-During the 45 minute drive to the restaurant, we came upon a family of deer, and Emily managed to hit one with her Jetta. The deer slid away, largely unscathed. Also on this drive, we saw Hornell, NY (hometown of actor Bill Pullman of ‘Spaceballs’ and ‘Independence Day’) and Canisteo, NY (home of the 'World Famous' living sign). I hope to have photos of all this up soon.

This morning, Emily and I watched 'Last of the Mohicans' which reminded me of an incident from my youth. When I was about 7 years old, my father and I were involved with an organization called 'Indian Guides,' where a father and son would join a 'tribe' composed of other fathers and sons, and every so often this tribe would go for weekend trips into rural Connecticut to go camping or shoot BB guns or bows and arrows. Ours was the Mohican tribe, and fathers and sons generally had related names (Ex. Big Buffalo and Little Buffalo). My Mohican name was 'Swift Eagle' and my father's 'Spread Eagle,' which I didn't come close to understanding at the time, but now can safely say is the funniest thing he's ever uttered.

The wings at the Killbuck Inn proved to be above average, but not as hot as I generally like. I'm hoping to fare better tonight in Buffalo.

My Trip

Starting next week, I'm planning on taking an open-ended cross-country trip to visit a lot of friends and see a lot of places I have yet to see. As seen in the map below, I've completely omitted any state annexed in the Louisiana Purchase in my domestic travels to date, so I plan to change that. I'm going to use this site to post photos or anything else that might be interesting.

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide